Birthday Wishes...

Growing up, birthdays were always so special.  We have AWESOME parents that ALWAYS made us feel so amazing on our special day.  From delivering flowers and balloons to school, birthday presents of all sorts, and dinner and dessert fit for a princess, it was like it was there way of saying "I thank God for YOU!"  Birthday wishes were always my favorite.  It was a way of saying, this is a start of a NEW year of life for me and this is what I hope happens.  But growing up, wishes were always about, toys, money, and material things.... but my 31st wish was completely different.  I am no longer wishing for a free bag of money, or a the most exquisite gifts there are.  This year, I had my baby boy sitting on my lap as I took a deep breath, made my wish, and blew.  But this year, my wish was for my baby boy.  I'm wishing for a long long HEALTHY life.

Ever since I can remember, I have always been a birthday brat.  I would tell everyone a month in advance to get ready for ME... and then on my special day, I would wake up with such joy, and with a glow around me that I could feel myself.  I always made sure to enjoy the day to the fullest!  This year, I am just not into it.  I didn't want this day to come so fast, because it meant that it was the beginning of such a HARD week.  A week that I am mentally just NOT ready for.  It means that 2 days from now, my baby boy will go in for the longest and probably hardest surgery of his life.  I am just not ready for 7am Wed morning.  I don't know how to enjoy my self today, knowing that this is coming up, and he will be pfighting through something so difficult.  It is no longer about me.  My life is about him now, and this is not how I planned it to go.  I know Gods plans are greater than mine, but right now, I just cant comprehend that.

Wednesday will hopefully be a day of answers.  Answers that I am not sure I can handle.  Before they start his skull reconstruction, the ENT will go in and do a broncoscopy  (spelling).  The will send a tiny little camera down his trachea and tell us how his "trachea sleeve" is developing.  Is it closing, is it growing with his body, what is going on in there.  Im not sure I am ready.  Last week when we were in the office, we spoke about the doctors in Chicago and Cincinnati and possibly contacting them for more answers.  So maybe, a trip to one of those 2 cities will be coming up, depending on the news we get wednesday morning.

His skull surgery will last aprox 4-5 hours.  Its called a cranial vault remodeling with distraction osteogenesis.  He will have metal distractors in his head that Gabe and I will have to manually turn 3 times a day.  Really...I have to turn screws in my 7mo old sons head?  WHAT?  Scratch that.... I don't HAVE too, I GET too.  I GET to live this life with him.  I was chosen to be his mother, not because I HAD to, but because I GET the chance to.  God let him be mine.  And I am ok with that.  I will pfight through my fears, I will pfight through my tears, and I will embrace the fact that I GET to do this.

Starting this year, my wishes are no longer for my self.  They are for HIM.. they are for his pfight.  So lets all raise our glasses and cheers to many more birthday wishes that come true.


http://www.gofundme.com/58c7p4

Thank you for all the birthday wishes.
Love,
S