Happy Thursday yall... or I should say happy day before the big "b" day.... tomorrow we go in for brain surgery, and Im a mess. A.COMPLETE.MESS. I am sitting here with Brody on my lap, and savoring every sweet precious moment with him. He is such a mommas cuddle bug, its amazing. Im sad I wont get this for a couple of days, but I am keeping my hopes up that come Christmas morning, we will be able to cuddle all day by our Christmas tree. It will be sad that we wont be able to make it "home" to SA for Christmas, but if we can at least have Brody home for Christmas, Ill take it!!
Things have been weird lately...Ive been in a hole, a dark hole, where I don't want to really talk to anyone, or do anything but be home holding him and talking to Gabe. Just when we got into a routine, and kinda "forgot" that we had these issues to deal with, we got hit with the brain surgery deal. It was like a fast ball coming right for us. So we have been dealing with getting ready for that this week. Wednesday we had his pre-op appointment, where they had to draw his blood, and it was not fun. If you could hear him cry, you would've heard it from the parking lot. They couldnt get into a vein in his arm, so they had to do it from his head...my poor bear. It was quick, but still... OUCH. We then got a phone call today saying that his levels were off, so they needed to re draw his blood....geeeze, here we go again. My poor baby....at least its them hes gonna hate and not me!! So, now that that is all done, tomorrow is the big day. We are ready! Maybe.
There are 2 statements that I have heard multiple times in the past couple of days that have really got me thinking and appreciating more than ever.
1. "The way you are handling all of this is simply amazing...Im so proud of you for being so strong".
- First off, I would be NOTHING with out all of my support. That includes EVERY SINGLE person that reads this. Even if I dont know you. You are truly supporting us just by your thoughts and prayers. I would be NO where with out Gabe, our families, our friends, the Drs and Nurses at Dell, and every one in between. Yes, I did have to learn how to be a nurse and a mother at the same time, but that in its self takes a lot of support. We had people cheering us on from the moment he was born. The nurses taught me how to take care of my son, and with that comes an enormous amount of strength. It took me a long time to accept the challenge, but once I realized that I was not in this alone, it was no biggie. I have accepted this challenge, and think of it now as a blessing. It makes me look around more and appreciate the little things. I appreciate and enjoy every tiny thing I can. From the tiny little smiles, the way he chews on his hands, the way he kicks his feet, to every blow out of his diaper.... it means that he is ALIVE. He is healthy...somewhat...he has a few minor issues, but for now... its what we have... we have HIM...HOME...with us... Sure I have never heard him cry, or I won't hear him giggle for the first time, but just seeing him smile melts my heart every time. I know he is giggling up a storm... we can only just see it.... and thats OK with me. He is what makes me strong. I will pfight till the very last minute for him. He is my reason. I can only handle this with courage, faith, and a positive attitude. So yes, I will be strong, I will be faithful, and I will keep this smile on my face...just dont think that I am not losing it on the inside. SO I ask this of you... keep praying for us, keep reading, keep thinking of us... its all of you that make me stronger.
2. "Wow...he looks so good, yall must be doing a great job taking care of him"....
- Thank you. Thank you to the people that taught us how to take care of him. THANK YOU Gabe for being my partner in this and helping me step up to the plate. Thank you to our families who had to learn with us how to care for him. Thank you to our friends that get us out of the house to take care of US mentally, and let us have a bit of normalcy. This is NOT a single person job. We are a team. A loving and pfighting team for Brody. We will give him as normal of a life as possible. It is a very hard job, but again...its for him. Because yall are taking care of us, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, we as a family are able to care for him. I couldnt be more thankful for the support we have. I LOVE that Gabe and I do this together. Every night. Let me tell you. Trach care is NOT easy. Its a 2 person job, and being in our routine, makes me happy, stronger, and a better person for it. I love that my mom put her fear aside and jumped in to help me with trach care when Gabe was gone. Sure she was scared, but she put on her super grandma cape and did an excellent job. Like its something she did on a daily basis. I love that both of our families will drive up here on the weekends or week days and spend the day with us and give us that normalcy. It makes me appreciate that we are not confined to the house. Some babies with trachs cant leave their house, We can. So yes, I will pat my self on the back and Gabe on his, because we do take GREAT care of him. We do all we can for him. He is our boy. Yes, sometimes we are super tired and dont feel like doing trach care, but its our routine, and it gets done. And when we wake up in the morning and see his little face smiling and silently giggling in his crib... I KNOW in my heart we are doing a good job. Who wouldn't try their best to care for their child?
So my friends, I ask this of you... PRAY HARD for us tomorrow and every day. Keep us in your thoughts. And most importantly, appreciate all that you have. From the late night cries, to the early morning giggles.....look up and thank the big guy up there for what you have, and pray for those that dont have it.
Good night.
http://www.gofundme.com/58c7p4
Love to all
-S
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