The rollercoaster you dont want to be on

I remember when I was younger, my parents took my sister and I to Disney World and there was this ONE ride I speciffically remember.  Space Mountain.  We waited in line for what seemed like hours back then.  As we finally got to the "space car", I remeber my sister stepping in and then stepping right out.  She decided she didnt want to go on it.  All that waiting and she just stepped right off.  It was a roller coaster... what could possibly be so scary?  Well... it was a scary ride, a very scary ride, especially to a child.  But it was a ride that Im glad I had, it was an experience...one I can say I made it through.  Im sure my sister was glad she didnt have to endure that ride, and back then it was probably the best decision.  She made it out alive, and I made it out alive.... 2 different ways, but none the less, we both made it.

The emotions of life have been just that lately... A rollercoaster.  A ride I would not choose to go on, but I am glad that I get the chance to endure it.  Im proud that GOD chose me to take this ride.  One way or another I will make it through this and I will get my family through this.  It might include me kicking and screaming and a lot of crying... but WE will pfight.   Lately, I have been all over the place emotionally.  I've had my good days, I've had my sad days, I've had my lonely days, and I've had my fun days.  Up, down, up, down, straight, curved, but today it went straight down....

We had a visit with the Craniofacial and Neurosurgery team this morning.  They are the 2 teams that will correct Brody's skull.  We met the Craniofacial team when we were in the NICU, and I can't say enough great things about them.  Neuro was a new meeting today. And although I LOVE the Dr.  I didn't like the news.  One of the aspects of Pfieffer syndrome is hydocephalus, which is basiclly a large amount of fluid in the ventricles.  It causes the brain to grow rather quickly.  And because Brody's skull was fused before it was supposed to, the brain doesnt have very much room to grow, which also causes the skull to grow in a "clover leaf" shape.  The brain takes what room it has, and it fills the spots.  The growth needs to be slowed down.  The only way to do that is to place a "shunt" in his brain.

WAIT...what? My 3 mo old is having brain surgery? I was mentally prepared to go in to this appointment to talk about the surgery for the correction of the skull when he is 6mos, but BRAIN surgery?  My emotional ride just went straight down....

Gabe wasn't there with us today.  He is out of town for work.  He is the strong one.  He is OUR rock.  He does the talking and listening, while I usually just rock Brody and stare into the distance pretending that I am understanding all of this.  NOT TODAY... I had to put on my big girl panties and take all the information, understand it, ask questions for the both of us, rock Brody, and put on my brave face...a face that I had to put on when I sat down for the space mountain ride.

OK...we are having brain surgery.  Its not a long surgery, only about 30 min... but its still brain surgery.   What I also wasnt prepraed for was the Dr telling us that it needs to be soon... like NOW... before Christmas...WHAT?? Before Christmas?? Thats like 2 weeks away....

Brain Surgery....the real life version of space mountain.  A scary ride for sure, but one that I KNOW we will step off of alive, stronger as a family and back on the steady and straight part of this emotional rollercoaster.


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